LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
