I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
