After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
