Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I supernannyed him into submission
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
