we have officially lost it.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
