Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Randomize