we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
