Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize
