I can text with my tongue
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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