she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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