forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
