You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
