Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Randomize
