I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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