You made me cry and you don't even care
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
