What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
