Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
if i can run in heels then i can drive
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
