It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
