3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
