About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I need a burrito and a hug.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
