I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
