margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
