His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
