using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
