why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
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He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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