roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
