You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
