i already hear my dad disowning me
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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