Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
