I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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