It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Randomize
