i wish my penis had a tongue
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
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