Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
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so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
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It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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