You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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