i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
