I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
