Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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