I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
