im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
