Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
