you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
