I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
