Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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