I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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