FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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