So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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