I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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