I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
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You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
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I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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