the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
