You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
