he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I didn't notice because vodka
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
