At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
