im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
