Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
