32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
