He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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