she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
