Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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