And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
she peed on how many people?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
These tits shall not be calmed
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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