Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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