Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
