There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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