Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
