I got chris browned last night
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Randomize
