How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
