i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Randomize
