But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
