Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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