I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize