Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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