she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
we're so committed to being not committed
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
